I Was Lost and He Found Me
by spaceman-earthgirl
Summary: She couldn't wait any longer, she was tired of waiting and she wanted him, just him, and she planned on telling him that when she saw him again.
1. Chapter 1

Two shot, the second part will be posted in the next few days. Set mid season 4.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or the characters.**

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Three days, Castle had been missing for three days and Beckett was going crazy. They run down every lead, followed every clue and they'd found nothing until this morning. She'd been ordered by the captain to stay at the precinct while the boys, as well as some other detectives and officers, raided the warehouse where he's supposedly being held. She tried to argue that if Ryan and Esposito could go, she should be able to too but the captain wouldn't budge on her decision so she was left waiting.

Money, that's what the kidnappers were after, but they'd become greedy and slipped up, which lead to the vital clue as to where Castle was being held. They shouldn't have even had this case since it was a kidnapping and not a murder but the captain had reluctantly let them help the team that had been assigned to Castle's as she knew they wouldn't be able to focus on anything else anyway until he was found.

So now Beckett was left behind, left at the precinct, while they rescued her partner. Not that she didn't trust them, she just hated waiting to find out if he was okay and now being allowed to help. And so now Beckett just had to sit here and wait, wait for news that her partner was safe. She'd been working basically nonstop, only took a break when Ryan and Esposito made her and even that was only a quick nap before she was back working the case. She shouldn't have been, being so emotionally involved with the victim, but she wouldn't stop until he was safe.

They may have been close, Castle and Beckett, and everyone around them thought they were romantically involved, but they weren't. Not yet anyway, thought Beckett as she planned what to do when she saw him again. She couldn't wait any longer, she was tired of waiting and she wanted him, just him, and she planned on telling him that when she saw him again.

So she was silent while she waited for her phone to ring, for news that they'd found Castle, that he was okay. She didn't know what to do with herself, alternating between pacing and sitting at her desk, all the while staring at the murder board which featured Castle's face. She didn't like that his face was up there, it didn't below there, and she never wanted to see it there again.

Beckett had to resist the urge to pick up the phone and call Ryan or Esposito but she forced herself to wait, knowing they'd call when it was over.

But what if he wasn't safe? That was the thought that had been buzzing around her head for the last three days. What if he was hurt and she could do nothing to help him. She didn't let herself think about the possibility that he could be dead, she couldn't think about it. Physical pain ricocheted its way through her chest at the thought and she knew she wouldn't survive if that was the case. So she pushed that thought away and only allowed herself to think that he was okay.

When the phone finally rang, she basically leapt for it, bringing it to her ear and listening intently to what was said on the other end. As soon as she hung up, she collapsed back into her chair, a wave of relief washed over her. He's fine. He's safe. Those were the words that Ryan had said and she clung to them, replaying them over and over again in her head. He was fine.

But now she had to do more waiting. First he'd be checked out by the ambulance staff at the scene to double check he was fine before he was brought here, to her. That thought filled her up, left her heart fluttering. She'd be able to see him soon, to make sure he was okay herself. And then she could finally tell him, tell him how she feels.

XXX

It seemed like hours, but she knew it hadn't been, when the elevator finally opened and out stepped Castle, followed closely behind by Ryan and Esposito. But Beckett only had eyes for Castle, looking him up and down to make sure he was okay. After reassuring herself that he looked fine, she looked up into his eyes to find that he was already looking at her. She hadn't moved and he walked straight to her, stopping directly in front of her, close but not touching.

"Hey," said Castle softly, a small smile on his face.

"Hey yourself," replied Beckett, face breaking into a grin as she realised he was really standing in front of her, "Are you okay?" She had to ask, had to truly make sure for herself.

"Yeah," he said, although the look in his eyes changed and she saw the fear lingering there, the fear that would've been constantly present for the past three days. She didn't like that look and wanted to erase it from his eyes, never wanted to see him scared again.

"I've been so worried," Beckett whispered, her hands at her sides itching to reach up and cup his face. Soon, but not here, she thought.

"I knew you'd find me," he replied, voice quiet to match hers.

"I wish I'd been there to get you out," she said, still feeling guilty that she let something like this happen to him in the first place. Not that it was her fault, he'd been kidnapped because he was rich, not because of his involvement with the police but she still felt like she should have been able to stop it, to keep him safe.

"I wish you'd been there too," Castle replied and she knew that it wasn't because he didn't trust the boys to get him out safely, it was because he'd wanted to see him sooner. As soon as he'd been rescued, he'd wanted to call her, to talk to her, but he hadn't been able to. He'd been taken directly to the ambulance to be checked over, had only been allowed a quick call to his mother and daughter to let them know he was safe. He would've been allowed to call Beckett too but Ryan had already done that and he also needed to give his statement to the other detectives at the scene.

No more words were needed as they just stared at each other, Beckett finally accepting that fact that he was fine, that he'd come back to her. She could've easily bridged the gap between them then, placing her lips softly on his, doing something she'd wanted to do for a very long time, but they were interrupted before she could.

Ryan and Esposito had hung back, letting them have their moment together, for Beckett to come to the conclusion that he was okay herself. And they'd seen that she'd done that and it was getting late so they wanted to say goodbye before they left.

"We're glad you're okay, Castle," said Ryan, giving Castle a nod which Castle returned.

"Yeah man, who else is going to let us borrow their Ferrari?" Esposito joked. And they all knew it was a joke and how glad the detectives really were that Castle had been found safe, knew all too well how this scenario could've turned out. But they all laughed, glad for the joke to relieve the seriousness of the situation. They said goodbye then, leaving Beckett and Castle alone again.

"I'll drive you home?" she asked, not wanting to leave him just yet, still having a lot of things to say to him but knowing he'd want to see his family first.

"Sure, thanks," he said, smiling at her before picking up her coat off the back of her chair and helping her into it. He didn't want to leave her just yet either. He'd been truly scared these past few days and one of the thoughts that had kept him going was that he knew she'd be out there looking for him, doing everything in her power to get him back safely. He just wished now that he could hold her close, inhale her scent, press his nose into her hair and hold her tight but he couldn't do any of that, not yet anyway. Maybe one day, when that wall of hers was knocked down. Until then he'd wait, he'd always wait for her.

As they walked towards the elevator, Beckett had to resist the urge to reach out and grab his hand but she knew that tonight, tonight she'd do just that and hopefully much more once she finally told him how she felt.

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Thanks for reading and your thoughts are always welcome.


	2. Chapter 2

So here's the second part to this fic, I hope you enjoy it.

Thanks to everyone who favourited/followed/reviewed, I appreciate each and every one.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or the characters.**

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Beckett had been thinking of some way to get invited up to his loft, not wanting this night to end. She'd settled on just telling him she needed to talk about something but she didn't need a reason because he invited her up anyway.

As they walked through the door into his loft, he was nearly knocked over by the force of Alexis rushing into him, arms going around his chest, hugging him tightly.

"It's okay, I'm okay," he whispered over and over again, holding her close and rubbing an arm up and down her back.

Martha had made some food so they all sat down to eat, Alexis sticking close to her father's side. She'd been a mess over the past few days, just sitting at home, waiting for news.

After dinner they sat around, just enjoying being back together again and purposefully avoiding talking about what Castle had been through the past few days, he especially didn't want his daughter to hear about that.

Alexis was obviously exhausted but she stayed up as long as she could, never leaving his side. Eventually he walked her up stairs to her room and he waited by her bed until she fell asleep.

When he walked back into the living room, he found that his mother had gone to bed too and Beckett was on the couch where he'd left her, but now she had her eyes closed.

"Beckett?" he said softly, not wanting to startle her. It was obvious that the past few days had affected her and how exhausted she was now.

"Mmmm" she mumbled, opening her eyes and, smiling when she saw Castle standing above her.

"You can stay her the night, the guest room is free," he said as he knelt down in front of her, not wanting her to drive home in her current state.

"I…okay," she said, and when he went to stand up, she quickly reached out her hand, grabbing his, "wait."

He looked confusedly from her hand on his to Beckett's eyes, trying to figure out what she was thinking. She released his hand and sat up properly, then patted the couch beside her, "there's something I want to talk to you about first."

Seeing the serious look now in her eyes, he took a seat next to her, wondering what this was about. He was exhausted after his three long days but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep anyway, not when every time he closed his eyes, he was back in that room, tied to that chair.

"How are you?" she asked, and that certainly wasn't what he was expecting.

"I…I'm fine," replied Castle, but Beckett could see through the cracks in his tough façade and he knew it.

"Castle," Beckett said, reaching her hand out again and resting it on his, "I know physically you are fine, but how are you?" The look, that scared look she'd seen earlier, had returned to his eyes and she really didn't want to see it but knew from experience that it would be better to talk about it.

"I close my eyes and I'm back there," he whispered, deciding that honesty was better and she knew him well enough to be able to tell when he was lying anyway.

"I wish I had've been able to get there sooner, I'd wish I'd been able to keep you safe," she replied, wishing that she'd been able to keep him from ever having that scared look in his eyes.

"I don't blame you," said Castle and Beckett squeezed his hand, knowing that he didn't but she still blamed herself for not being able to protect him.

They sat there in silence for a few minutes until Castle shifted slightly and gasped in pain.

"Are you okay?" asked Beckett, concern colouring her voice.

"I'm fine," said Castle but he knew he had to show her, show her what had caused him to gasp like that. He removed his hand from hers and slowly rolled up one of the sleeves to reveal dark coloured bruises on his wrist. He rolled up the other sleeve which showed matching bruises on his other wrist too. And Beckett knew what it was from, it was rope burn, evidence of him trying to break free over the past three days.

"Castle…" she said again, letting her voice trail off as she took one of his hands in her own. She slowly ran her thumb over his wrist, a feather light touch, wishing there was something she could do to make it better. She stopped when she felt his other hand under her chin, nudging her head up so she was looking into his eyes.

"But I'm okay, I'm safe," he paused, "I'm here with you." He smiled as he said the last part, still looking into her eyes, neither wanting to look away.

"Bed time?" Castle asked, knowing that Beckett was exhausted and needed sleep too. He also knew that if she didn't stop looking at him like that, there'd be nothing he could do to stop himself from leaning forward and kissing her and he didn't want to push her before she was ready.

"Not yet, there's something else I wanted to talk to you about," said Beckett, disappointed that Castle hadn't closed the gap and just kissed him. She would've but she had some things to say first.

Castle nodded, giving silent permission for her to continue.

And then Beckett didn't know what to say. She'd been planning what she would say all night but now words escaped her.

"Beckett?" Castle asked, when Beckett just sat there, staring at him.

That seemed to break Beckett out of her thoughts and she began speaking, "Do you remember what I said to you on the swings, about that wall I'd built up?" She decided not to muck around and just tell him the truth.

"Yes?" said Castle, confused again about where this conversation was going.

"I think it's finally starting to come down, and I want your help to break down the last of it," replied Beckett, hoping that Castle understood what she was saying.

"Beckett, what are you saying?" He hoped that what he thought she was saying was correct, had dreamed of it, but he had to be sure.

"I've spent so long trying to hide my feelings for you, trying to get over you but I don't want to hide anymore." She wasn't about to back down, this is what she wanted and she was going to do everything in her power to get it.

"But what about your mother's murder?" asked Castle. He had to make sure she had thought this fully through, that it wasn't some spur of the moment thing that she would regret later.

"I don't want to let that stop me from having what I want and when I finally solve it, I want you to be there with me," she replied, now more determined than ever. She was scared though, she was being completely honest with him about how she felt but she wasn't sure he still felt the same.

"Are you sure?" As he said this, he took the hand that she'd been holding loosely and brought it up to rest on her cheek and she leaned into his touch.

"These past few days made me realise that I don't want to wait any more, I'm ready for this and I've never been more sure about anything in my life," and that was all it took, those words from Beckett for Castle to surge forwards, bringing his other hand up to her face and crashing his lips onto hers.

After a few minutes the kiss slowed and Castle pulled away first, but not very far, resting his forehead against hers, his eyes still closed.

Beckett was the first to speak, not wanting this moment to end but knowing they both needed sleep.

"Time for bed?" she asked and he nodded. She stood to go up to the guest room, not wanting to push him but he stopped her.

"Stay with me?" he asked, and she would've said yes anyway but that scared look was back in his eyes and she knew there was no way she could leave him tonight.

"Of course," she replied, smiling as she took his hand and she led him towards his bedroom.

Later that night when they were in bed together, Beckett wearing a shirt and boxers Castle had lent her, Beckett finally had the courage to say the one other thing she'd been wanting to. With Beckett half lying on Castle, a leg nestled between his thighs and her arm slung over his waist while he had his arm around her shoulder, holding her tight, she said the words that she wanted to.

"I love you," she whispered into his chest, relieved that she'd finally had the courage to say the words aloud.

"I love you too," he replied, smiling and he leant down and placed a kiss on her head before they snuggled even closer to go to sleep, Castle feeling safe with her in his arms. And they both knew that everything was going to be okay, that one day, they would finally get the man who had murdered her mother and that they'd be happy, together.

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Thanks for reading and your thoughts are always welcome.


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